One simple method for improving the quality of student essays: don’t let them pick their own topic. • The problem with goat cheese is that sometimes it tastes rather like it originated in the nether regions of a goat. • That Kim Cattrall is such a classy dame: I wish she were MY mum. • Olduvai, Amboseli / Turkana, Tsavo, Gombe / Olorgesailie, Tanganyika / Serengeti, Aberdares: the biologist’s African litany. • The Chch Press today twice bylined food writer Paula Wolfer. Next week: guest articles by Jamie Olive and Nigel Slate. • It’s exam time. The university seems as deserted as if there’d been a Zombie Apocalypse. But if the Uni were infested with zombies, how would you tell? Answer: zombies can’t ride skateboards. • ‘The command “” is not currently available.’ Thanks, Adobe Bridge CS4, for that helpful message. And for sucking royally. • My band is called the Broken Bear Club, but based on our last gig a better name might be The Dunning-Kruger Effect. • MHRA is the style guide for the Modern Humanities Research Association, but also stands for Michigan Hot Rod Association. Their style guide: 1) More fonts. 2) Bigger fonts. 3) Fonts with flames. • I am trying to popularise an alternative term for submitting a thesis: “having a wordbaby”. • Almost want to get another ukulele, just so I can write “this machine annoys fascists” on it. • In literary quiz, thought “Last Man in Europe” must be the working title of Mein Kampf. No actually it’s 1984. Sorry, George. • The UC library bans messy, smelly, hot, or noisy food. If they banned messy, smelly, hot, or noisy students it would be deserted. • Those moaning about how the Web rots our “ability to focus” should recall the innate concentration skills of monkeys and toddlers. • Pre-human Long Island was the home of herds of dwarf mammoths and flocks of giant flightless cranes. • After a find/replace of double spaces in InDesign, a “Search completed.9 replaced.” message using double spaces. Is Adobe taunting me? • Someone who would microwave a croissant would steal sheep. • G#7 is not in fact the Devil’s chord; that’s FM7. G#7 is Cordo Diabolo, Esus4 is Main Crispé, and Asus2 is The Buster. #fakeukulelelore • One of my vert bio students once claimed that the gastrocnemius connects the humerus and femur, or the ulna and heel. He did not pass. • @adzebill

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