Tweetdump

Orange: the only juice for which manufacturers can claim, “No no, we meant the COLOUR.”
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Bemused by people who can afford a computer and broadband but email me because they’ve run out of prepay minutes on their phone.
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If Beck and Palin had announced their 2012 Presidential candidacy on 9/11, then the terrorists would have won. Also, the Mayans.
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On the cover of _Handwriting Analysis for Dummies_, the title is set in Comic Sans. What is the author trying to hide?
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An online review of _Decline and Fall_ describes Evelyn Waugh as “not my favorite post-modern author.” God bless user-created content.
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Imagined UC Library suggestion box: “Could the ‘Library is being munted by an earthquake’ announcements be in English and Māori, please.”
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My friend’s new kitchen has so much cupboard space it could inconspicuously house a small nocturnal child.
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It’s all fun and games until the pale-skinned sunbather realises the swan thinks he is a lady swan.
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Even if a student has an amusing name, I really shouldn’t make up nursery rhymes about them.
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Force de frappe. Does anyone have a wussier name for its nuclear arsenal than France? Scary as a wet slap.
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Why are those folks most clueless about the internet—even self-described technophobes—the ones convinced they can make money off it? Ignorance is seen as a barrier to getting rich from medicine, property investment, or racehorse breeding. But the Web’s fair game, it seems.
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My mum, looking for an easy-to-remember phone number, was chuffed to find that one ending in “666” was strangely not taken. Now every time I call her I shall think, “Hail Satan, Mum.”
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[@adzebill](https://twitter.com/#!/adzebill)

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