Jack Black and Jack White should get their own musical sitcom variety hour. Called (naturally) the Black and White Minstrel Show. • A seven-year-old once explained to me that baby teeth are your drafts, but adult teeth are published. • Robbie the Robot did not say “Danger, danger, Will Smith!” (Oops.) But if he did, wouldn’t that have improved Lost in Space? And I, Robot? • Not many people know that if you peer through the transparent window on a New Zealand $20 bill, you can see a person’s iwi affiliation. • Is there a Māori word for the pained-yet-serious facial expression Pākehā get when listening to a long mihi they don’t understand? A Te Reo speaker suggested “pukehakana”: a combination of puke, pakeha and pukana. • Dalmatian (n): dog or person. Dalmation (n): the act of putting spots on everything (or, vulgarly, spotifying). • I can hardly wait for all the superhero movies to be rebooted yet again as steampunk. • Realised at the breakfast table that I assumed the Queen reads The Times, because Great Uncle Bulgaria did in The Wombles. • “We now have only seven sheep for each one of us.” WELL WHERE ARE MINE, @nzherald? I WANT MY SHEEP! • Advice to new Aucklanders: If you need to cross Dominion Road in rush hour, improve efficiency by doing it near the funeral home. • Apparently all the muppets can be divided into Chaos Muppets and Order Muppets e.g.: Ernie/Bert. Everybody is stumped by Big Bird though. I put it that Big Bird has transcended the artificial dichotomy of chaos/order and achieved enlightenment. He is a Zen Muppet. Big Bird’s constant questions are actually koans. He’s trying to enlighten the other muppets. • I’m glad Katie Holmes “feels comfortable in her own skin”. The alternative is too horrific to contemplate. • @adzebill

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