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As a kid I thought the aristocracy were battle rankings: a Duke beats an Earl, unless the Earl’s on his home ground or has special powers. If a Viscount beats enough Knights he levels up, and evolves into a Count. Like Pokémon.
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Tangerines, tangelos, mandarins, tambourines, clementines, satsumas. One of these isn’t even fruit. What a mess.
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NZ Home magazine seems convinced all new houses should be grey shoeboxes with sliding glass walls. Like Baby’s First SketchUp.
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Can a novelist still write about jigsaws, or are jigsaws now symbolic, incurring an automatic Metaphor Penalty?
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There are 10 types of people in the world: those who have heard that binary joke 1 to 9 times and… scratch that, 9 types of people.
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Poor Taylor Kitsch: going from lead in John Carter to lead in Battleship is like getting an awful haircut which then catches on fire.
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Labelling something a First World Problem, then feeling guilty and taking it back. #firstworldproblems
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A “soul patch” is just a toothbrush moustache grown on the other lip. Nobody would have one if they were called “underhitlers”.
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NZ syndrome (n): “Gold! Woo! We rule! Give ’em a taste of Kiwi! And now adjust all the rankings for population because we’re so little.”
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I think of the Olympics as a video game: events are levels, the medals achievements, there’s no boss fight, and somebody else is playing.
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“Synergy” is when a combination of items is much greater or more terrible than the sum of its parts, as in the phrase “classic Dutch rock”.
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@adzebill

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