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Anyone who doesn’t think Hollywood is developing an edgy live-action My Little Pony movie has not been paying attention. • H. G. Wells’s epitaph was “I told you so, you damned fools!”. His Outline of History persuaded Costa Rica to abolish its military. • Workers building the Homer Tunnel in the 1950s were fed kea soup by their Bulgarian cook, a local codger tells the Little River Informer. • A Mormon at the door. I thought they only came in pairs, so was waiting for another to appear in my peripheral vision like a velociraptor. • In my experience, two hundred 13-year-old boys would make short work of a zombie apocalypse provided they had enough cricket bats. • When someone says “90 per cent of the time”, it’s a guess, not a statistic (90 per cent of the time). • If someone called Perrin Rowland were to meet someone called Rowland Perrin (both exist), would they stick together or explode? • To artificially inseminate queens, apiarists often need to extract semen from bees. It’s as easy as “Hey, bee: semen!” Thank you, you’re wonderful, I’m here all week. • The shampoo is designed to stand upright, and the conditioner on its head, but this obviously isn’t enough and I need a mnemonic. “Our upright stance is a SHAM; topsy-turvy is the human CONDITION.” #haircaremnemonic • The Hobbit credits are so long they have a three-act story arc. There’s a “making-of the credits” featurette in the DVD release. In fact the Hobbit credits have their own credits. Be sure to stay to the end of the credits credits for a surprise! [SPOILER: You get to go home.] • @adzebill

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