Phrase I did not expect to read in a Dashiell Hammett crime story: ‘“I knew a fellow once in Onehunga,” he drawled…’ (Nightmare Town, 1924) • Amazingly, nostalgic about paying $14 to see a DVD projected onto a screen the size of a bath towel in a 15-seat cinema. Much like watching at home, except you can’t pause for toilet breaks, and there are three complete strangers on your couch. • Great Zoological Discoveries 27: Cows sound just like people saying “moo”. Or, sometimes, trying to muffle screams of agony. • Amazing new tool for de-cluttering computer desktop: put everything in a folder called “Desktop [Sort]”, never to be heard from again. • I used to be disgusted by people who ate raw cookie dough, but now I find there are folks who eat raw frozen pizza. Thanks, Internet. • Why should be the only one having fun with country codes? Quick, is free. Also,,,, and (very proud of this) • Kazakhstan is apparently still hung up on Borat. Just let it go, Kazakhstan. Let it go. • Everything made much more sense when I realized Tom Waits is a werewolf. • If you see a car with Hawai’i plates in the mainland US and steal it, there’ll be a pot of gold in the trunk and you’ll get a wish. • I think we’re all in agreement that the biggest letdown with Inception was the lack of a Joseph Gordon-Levitt dance sequence. • Call me stuffy, but I refuse to buy my kazoos from someone who believes in Atlantis. • Dear Mr Obama: why not come and be President of New Zealand? I guarantee less than 18% of us think you’re Muslim. • Apparently I appeared in a friend’s dream and yelled, “You can’t stomp on Incas: they’re part of history!” • I’d heard of Robert Evans’ success, downfall, comeback, book, audiobook, and movie, but a cartoon show too? That, my friends, is a career. • The fastest starfish is the Sunflower Star, Pycnopodia helianthoides, which can reach 75 cm/minute, or 0.045 km/hr. Starfish racing would be like greyhound racing, but more restful. And with a terrified fleeing abalone. • @adzebill

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