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I’m looking forward to Sex and the City III, where the Revolution comes and our heroines are sent off to a re-education camp. Many men would pay money to watch them scratch lice from the seams of their overalls with broken DKNY lenses and fight over stale bread. • Blood is only thicker than fresh water: marine fishes leach water to the sea, but river fishes are constantly being diluted. • My most entertaining haircut was in Berlin. I contemplated the result solemnly, said “Fantastische”, and all the hairdressers cracked up. • Pitting a kilo of cherries is surprisingly gruesome. Spatters, stains, a bowl of glistening entrails. Cleanup felt like Dexter. • This morning’s baking has been sorted into Eccles Cakes and Unsucceccles Cakes. • An owl’s eye is as big as a human’s, an ostrich’s much bigger. Some bird eyes are so big they nearly touch, behind the scenes. • Your eyeball is about an inch in diameter. This is perhaps the least-useful rule-of-thumb measure I know. • Science isn’t everything, but we know the universe is 13.75 billion years old and 930 yottametres wide no thanks to astrology. • A thesis is Death By Chocolate: eaten slowly in one go, by an unlucky few, who usually feel a bit ill afterwards. • We were going to call our band The Boston Molasses Disaster, but were pre-empted by a band actually from Boston. • Swans: avian hydrangeas. Discuss. • In the midst of chaos and destruction, there’s no reason a gentleman can’t keep his beard neatly trimmed. • @adzebill

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