Film Crew Visits a Science Lab

The traditional lab graveyard for outdated software manuals.

The traditional lab graveyard for outdated software manuals.

Safety glasses on. Our blood-red lab coats mark us as visitors, and also as dangerous. Warning! Journalist! Film crew! Venomous! Do not touch! • I can tell the director is not happy with the equipment, which looks too old and battered. We turn a few whizzing and shaking devices on, but they’re so noisy they interfere with recording. The lab tech doesn’t seem keen to turn the noisy incubator off for some reason. • Sadly there are no bubbling beakers of copper sulphate solution, but I’m told we can add those in post.red lab coat • Everybody looks very uncomfortable trying to pipette in crisp white lab coats and ties. The reason scientists normally don’t wear ties is the danger of getting too close to a centrifuge and having your head yanked off. • We’re now posing a bearded middle-aged scientist with a Bunsen burner, because if we collect the full set of science clichés we can send away for a prize. • Real scientist action shots would involve Track Changes, tweaking PowerPoint, and emailing. • The scientist had to switch to light blue latex gloves, because they look prettier in the shot. If we’re setting up a shot with two scientists no power in the ’verse will stop me trying to get them both wearing blue gloves.

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