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After an hour disassembling & reassembling my back wheel, figured out why the rear tyre won’t inflate. My bike pump is broken. Not a total loss: that folksy anecdote will serve me well when I become a motivational speaker. #isyourpumpbroken #mynextbook • Hot Jew Buns are like hot cross buns, but with a star of David. You leave one of each batch undecorated, for Elijah. The irony of course is that Hot Jew Buns are leavened. • “She estimated the owl was about 61cm in length.” i.e. two feet. Imperial measurements offend newspapers more than swearing. “Spurious metric” = the idiotic result of converting rough Imperial measurements to precise SI units without the use of common sense. • If you don’t spell “w00t” with two zeroes you are not taking the internet SERIOUSLY enough. • Word 2011 now has six different styles of underlining available right in the toolbar. Finally, my underlining needs are being met. • I once joked about combining murder mysteries and handcrafts, to create a book series that would be guaranteed to sell. But someone has beaten me to it. Maggie Sefton’s Knitting Mysteries: Knit One, Kill Two · Dropped Dead Stitch · Dyer Consequences. The world is surely then crying out for the Crochet Mysteries: Telltale Slip Knot · Double Treble Trouble · The Last Corsage · By Hook or By Crook • At El Bulli they tried and failed, for two weeks, to make risotto out of sunflower seeds. God damn that’s a metaphor for something. • “Nice costume!” I said to the passing hipster. #oops • @adzebill

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