Statistically-Improbable Phrases

For some years now I’ve collected odd phrases encountered in real life; street signs, weird things my friends have said, the names of genes, descriptive phrases from reference books ripped out of context. Here they are, in their unattributed glory. If you think of a use for one, let me know.

  • lifeless ordinary
  • sky blue sky
  • scissored dill
  • freedom, tolerance, and two sorts of jam
  • the beans of yore
  • stochastic honking
  • deer jaws
  • civil whey
  • lachrymal terminals
  • slicing gherkins with a spoon
  • hitch your bowyangs!
  • Smollett’s Roderick Random
  • Thomas Frognall Dibdin, the bibliomaniac
  • Complutensian Polyglot
  • dithered bands
  • blend without noise
  • quidnuncs and pundits
  • fly, sea urchin, fish, frog, chicken, human, mouse
  • economical Dutch hyphens
  • hold this binturong
  • In the mind-expanding tradition of Herman Hesse
  • the world’s population in a big box
  • the Bulgarian glirids of Tring
  • John Glenn’s pee in space
  • tuatara not Shakespeare
  • concerto for racquetball
  • eleven hundred pounds of mice
  • Herod, Mars, and Juice
  • Athena the Hun
  • voodoo innuendo
  • reach out and smack someone
  • coup du jour
  • unsophisticated trousers
  • a house of some description
  • Jesus Mustache Roman
  • a woman with panic attacks and double vision who liked cheese
  • you are trying to corrupt my sloth
  • philatelic bomb
  • little Persian milkmen in iron trousers
  • perpetually infected leprotic armadillos
  • waterfront golf living
  • the poisonous power of fermenting sausages
  • I fight while wearing chartreuse
  • the scent of symmetrical men
  • glagolitic mass
  • Gomidas Vartabed, fourth-greatest Armenian composer
  • rainbow toe-socks
  • Mr Meta and Mr Rama
  • stretching bricks
  • everything bends
  • underground house for swans
  • eh mec, elle est oú ma caisse?
  • eh mann, wo ist mein auto?
  • brains Moroccan style
  • quoined corners
  • parmesan martyr for Allah
  • hooks, coat, and noose
  • fashion, fear, flagellation, flax
  • snow savior
  • pin the tail on the reluctant monkey of change
  • eggplants for Big Macs ploy
  • my llama is not contiguous
  • turbulent Flo
  • paddling with eagles
  • stinks to the wall like a bad smell
  • le préservatif de parapluie
  • turbid slabs
  • bears all play
  • PG for mild peril
  • painless yawn
  • psaphonic bird-trainers
  • in chicken country
  • you don’t know your weight in okra soup
  • we fohl wet, i wet
  • gas mask pogo stick boy
  • jetski basilisks
  • piecemeal deglutition
  • vocal fry
  • the boy who cried essential
  • “O Caesar, you’re so great. Hey, you, I’m talking to you.”
  • monotheolithic (= one stone god)
  • Lemony Snicket plays accordion for the Magnetic Fields
  • gusty winds may exist
  • Sun-Ripened Warm Tomato Party
  • cheese monkeys
  • Canucks amok
  • return to my Puritans
  • the adventures of rice and pie
  • horn-rimmed owl
  • living without otters
  • flying sleeves
  • gehae are the cheeks
  • I don’t like cheese in Portuguese
  • water-seeking aardvarks
  • a rabblement of lemmings
  • thrusting balloon puppies
  • Rossetti’s wombat MacGregor
  • 103-word joke about ducks
  • intergalactic food conspiracy
  • box the Jesuit
  • Lutheran Gun Club
  • the salp in history
  • electric soap and bohemian leeches
  • the happy cows of Kent
  • There are no moles on the coast
  • walk at angels
  • ordinary time of kingdomtide
  • trapezoidal kitty bite
  • scissor despot
  • talk-to-the-hand Hamlet
  • orpiment, realgar, and mispickel: the euphonious sulphides of arsenic
  • torrential cornucopia
  • exotic Newcastle disease
  • I don’t want to see the monkey
  • U-Haul bordello
  • brother of odd with entrails limited
  • dog of glass
  • ether a go-go
  • faint sausage and fuzzy onions
  • super sex combs
  • the endurance of wire ropes
  • concrete abstracts
  • a mile of mesh
  • Oh Pot Oh Pot
  • bus of the year
  • magical misery tour
  • there are dead trousers
  • there boxes the pope
  • jeans instability
  • the state-space of all possible cups
  • rather tightly coupled to a stiff fluid of photons
  • 20 beagles and a billygoat
  • Dog Vomit Slime Mold
  • Albert the supermarket
  • oily emu, greasy rhea
  • Moses Blah
  • shagging snails eating mail
  • Zerg the corkscrew
  • Der Vogelschnarch
  • mouse-handling class
  • driven mad by noisy rabbits
  • all skeletons are happy
  • Canaan Sodindo Banana
  • stymied volancy
  • fried pickle blimp
  • dogs shrink less
  • nano-optics in Belarus
  • surfperch color space
  • Marmalade Boy and the Frying Dragon
  • Trinkaus and the Mammoth Cheese
  • the hair of Dr. Notkin
  • hollow research bunnies
  • sugary hornworms
  • moldy snake dish
  • balcony owl
  • olfactory mouse porn
  • enigmatic nose of moose
  • strobilating scyphistoma
  • stalwart poultry candidates
  • bird of flight cloacas
  • “A reality show called Socks and Shoes,” said the chameleon.
  • Pompey’s quiff
  • space-tearing flop transition
  • espresso the zeppelin
  • two thousand dorky little candles
  • alcoholic rat man
  • the knockout mouse that’s me
  • the wookie has no pants
  • gigantic extinct Australian geese
  • homicidal Icelandic albino
  • the Beast from Revelation will now serve you jam
  • The basket of smells
  • seductive neon tooth
  • pansies and frying pans
  • arachnoid granules
  • yellow peach Canadian harmony
  • chiliastic tommyrot
  • introspective rundown
  • bucket of blue steam
  • cooking glue
  • jilted ferrets steal your soul
  • Holiday Klinkscales
  • humans, beavers, and tarpon
  • paunchy stratego
  • Cigarette Meat Intestines Son Fries a Pair of Eggs Sandwich
  • Fry the Horse’s Gluey Fish to Stew Fragrantly Stew
  • Famous Allusion Quotation Company Sandwich
  • never trust a pangolin
  • tantrums galore
  • a day late at the dollar store
  • miso in my sippy cup
  • Neil Sudoku
  • lapidary ironist
  • bride of sevenless
  • strawberry treblinka
  • name your pony
  • paddock of ingenious monsters
  • linty pancetta
  • slimy balrog & the electric nativity
  • rattlesnake snow globe
  • cloud of ducks
  • sinister womb music
  • channeling Nature’s wisdom through soy and fruit-power partners
  • Catalan musical stew
  • renegade cantaloupes
  • centripetal glue engine
  • teary while sharing
  • no magical ears without a chaperone
  • nocturnal mucus coats my teeth
  • Rain Tiger and the Inducible Knockouts
  • Wensleydale blue-faced sheep
  • umlauts make you sad
  • ruckled gunk
  • I wish my truck and boat knew how to write
  • everything’s different when you’re the Pope
  • lost or unwanted aliens and dinosaurs
  • Trotsky mauled my budgie
  • annoying scone in my driving space
  • I wish ears were as nice as legs
  • bluegill bully budget
  • active anguish in a context of flux
  • campari’s little sister
  • a mutchkin of barm
  • bohemian Puhoi
  • dibbler, dunnart, planigale, quoll
  • the Royal Ninja Light Opera Quartet
  • Cronenberg’s TiVO
  • cairn of bunnies
  • Tilda Swinton’s mysterious mouth
  • guinea pigs for Jesus
  • psychopathic granddad killed my frog
  • the holy halberd of Trieste
  • hegemonic cheese discourse
  • cold Sylvester turkey
  • ten cups of zinc
  • hungry angry po-faced kickboxer
  • snorting echolalia
  • excuse me, pirate, can you fix my tambourine?
  • museum of less-popular jumpsuits
  • mud-coloured shoes for nuns
  • atomic blancmange
  • Boston molasses disaster
  • bichon boots
  • pickle-catching thighs
  • chocolate and soap diet
  • fugitive documents
  • spurious tuples
  • glueing carpet to your genitals does not make you a cantaloupe
  • town bike sheep
  • lolly icon exodus
  • convicts are chewy
  • platypus custard
  • Aboriginals ruined my Tuesday
  • prophylactic flipflops
  • cartilage dancing
  • Spybot and Keylogger, the crime-fighting lolcats
  • orthopaedic dalek
  • voiceless lateral fricative volcano
  • whimsical kerb stomp
  • crockpot and baconing
  • sundry nymphomaniacs
  • little baby aftershocks
  • unattached hiccuppers
  • overheated mosfets
  • marzipan Jesus
  • optimal sxting zone
  • vegetable concept
  • the Discovering Fun Saloon
  • perpetual spinach machine
  • eight million mummified dogs
  • guitar straps are tricky when you’re a sumo wrestler
  • comb-over barcodes
  • the cold grey eyes of the games mistress
  • Miranda’s whimbrel
  • tiny monsters
  • twenty minutes of quivering pleasure
  • pungent nimbus of wee
  • bogan wheat bag
  • transitive Venus
  • burglarious instruments
  • maw hard fruits
  • torpid snoremouse
  • notional kitemarks
  • draped tankini
  • David Niven and the goldfinch fight crime
  • bulletproof ramekins
  • orthogonal spaghetti
  • Sulawesi warty pig
  • backward gladiolus
  • bruised eggs
  • deciduous teeth
  • arctic sabbath
  • Texas cheesecake depository
  • tartan onesies
  • plague of naked gingas
  • nomadic sauna
  • unconstructed tea gowns
  • nonsensical doughnuts
  • Chandler’s pselaphine fovea map

3 thoughts on “Statistically-Improbable Phrases

  1. Grace

    what you’re got here is either a dada poem or a huge list of great band names either way i’m loving it :)

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